relapse
Alissa Martinez
words have started to flow again
from unseemly places, forgotten corners
ones i hoped to abandon years ago
but now they’ve returned to focus
fueling voices familiar and foreign
close approximations of my own
in the dark you can hardly hear
the difference, me and my memories
echoes of strangers i used to be
bodies i no longer see or seem
one carved a star into their thigh
while i only sat shaking with the knife
all these whispered possibilities
mistakes both made and unmade
i bear, bare, bury them all
struggling to hold this fragile form
together, me and myself and i
drown in the multitudes contained
waiting for it all to come to past again
leaving only me, now, breathless
and awake and oh so painfully alive
from unseemly places, forgotten corners
ones i hoped to abandon years ago
but now they’ve returned to focus
fueling voices familiar and foreign
close approximations of my own
in the dark you can hardly hear
the difference, me and my memories
echoes of strangers i used to be
bodies i no longer see or seem
one carved a star into their thigh
while i only sat shaking with the knife
all these whispered possibilities
mistakes both made and unmade
i bear, bare, bury them all
struggling to hold this fragile form
together, me and myself and i
drown in the multitudes contained
waiting for it all to come to past again
leaving only me, now, breathless
and awake and oh so painfully alive
Alissa Martinez is a sporadic author, often jumping from genre to genre depending on their fancy. They hope their writing can offer a meaningful glimpse into their truths and reality during their time at the Claremont Colleges. (Pomona College '21)
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